This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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