dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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