I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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