I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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