It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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