uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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