If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
