So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
