Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
