THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
