brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
