i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
