The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
