It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
