I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
