we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
