Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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