just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
