No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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