the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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