$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
