i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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