"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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