there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
