Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
