Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
