you traded sex for a burrito?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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