apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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