So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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