I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
