I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize