I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
