Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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