Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
