He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
