ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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