I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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