I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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