I just threw up on my dentist
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
