I hate your face
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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