I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
