More tranny stories later!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
