She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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