Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Never joke about your clitoris.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
