I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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