Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just want nice things and good sex
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
