There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
