Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want nice things and good sex
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
