You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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