cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
