I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
