I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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