I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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