We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
