I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
