The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
