just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
