Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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