Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Houston, we have a squirter
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
