I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
