"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
