i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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