apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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