im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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