Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
