Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
