her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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