he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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