At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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