I just saw a hot homeless man
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
