I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
