he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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