I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
