maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
