Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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