is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize