he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
