Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
