He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
