you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
