Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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