Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
