My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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