I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
