actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize