maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize