thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she smelled like a LAN party
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
