I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
