The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
