Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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