he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize