Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
